Dancing Samurai Japan
by HugPug
Summary: The Great Hero America is kidnapped by the notorious Dancing Ninja Gang and the only way for Japan to save him is through a dance battle. AU and Crack. Rated T for England's language.


One day, Samurai Japan was patrolling the streets of Edo (1). He was looking for the notorious Dancing Ninja Gang that was responsible for numerous crimes in the area when he stopped by a ramen stall to get some lunch. He ordered a simple bowl of beef ramen from the stall owner. "Here you go." said the stall owner as he handed Japan the bowl. Just before he started eating, a blonde foreigner with glasses sat down next to him. "Gimme the biggest bowl of ramen you have in this place!" said the foreign man to the stall owner. The stall owner brought out a huge bowl the size of a basketball and started putting a lot of noodles and different ingredients into the bowl before pouring a whopping amount of steaming hot soup in it and serving it to the foreign man.

"Here you go, sir."

"Thanks!" said the man before he started wolfing down the ramen. "By the way," continued the stall owner. "that's going to be five thousand yen."

"WHAAAT?!" exclaimed the foreigner after he spewed soup everywhere.

"Unless, of course, you can finish that big bowl of ramen in less than five minutes, it's free!" said the stall owner.

"Just five minutes? I can finish this in two!" boasted the foreigner before he continued eating the noodles at an extremely fast pace (that almost made Japan want to puke) and slurping the soup from the gargantuan bowl. Japan just watched as the foreigner finished the huge bowl of ramen.

"DONE!" yelled the foreigner as he slammed the empty bowl on the table. The stall owner just looked at the foreigner with pure surprise. "No one's ever beat my challenge, let alone beat it within two minutes!" exclaimed the stall owner. "Haha ha~! Of course I can beat it! I can beat any challenge that comes at me because I'm America the Hero!" said the foreigner who stood up and put his hands on his hips and let out a big laugh.

"Wait, you're THE Great America? The one who travels the world and saves people from the most evil of criminals? I am Japan a samurai." interrupted Japan, which he doesn't normally do due to his polite nature. "Yup! Nice to meet you dude!" replied America with a huge grin on his face. "Well, this is a splendid day, indeed! To be able to have someone beat my challenge and to meet the Great Hero, America! To commemorate this great day, I'll give America our house special, The Sleeping Lotus Juice, for free!" said the stall owner while placing a glass of pink juice in front of America. "Aww, thanks dude!" said America before sipping from the glass.

Japan finished his ramen and paid the stall owner. "America-san, please excuse me for a while. I have to use the restroom. I will return afterward so I can hear about your travels and many great deeds since I have admired your work for the longest time. You are actually the reason why I became a samurai in the first place!" said Japan. "Oh, you're one of my admirers, you say? Sure dude! Anything for you~!" replied America before he took another sip from his glass. Japan excused himself and went to find an outhouse. After he relieved himself, he went back to the ramen stall.

When he got back however, he saw that America's seat was empty and that his drink was only half finished. "Excuse me stall owner-san. Do you know where America-san went?" inquired Japan. "Him? Yeah, he left just a while ago." replied the stall owner.

"I don't think he's leave without finishing his drink though." said Japan while gesturing to America's half-empty glass on the counter. At Japan's inference the stall owner became nervous and sweaty. Japan noticed this and said while reaching for his Katana. "I will ask you once more. Where is America-san?" Japan glared at the stall owner until he finally caved in and said, "Alright, alright! He didn't leave. I just . . . took him somewhere."

"Where?" asked Japan.

"To the Dancing Ninja Gang's hideout." replied the stall owner with a somewhat proud look on his face. "What! Why would you bring him to a place like that? And why would you know where their hideout is?" asked Japan with a surprised look on his face.

"Because . . . I am the leader of the Dancing Ninja Gang! Also, I kidnapped 'The Great Hero, America'!" said the stall owner with a maniacal grin on his face. Japan couldn't believe that the man he was ordered to capture was right in front of him, disguised as a ramen stall owner, kidnapped his long time inspiration, America. "You fiend! Let America-san go at once or face the wrath of my sword!" threatened Japan as he drew his Katana from its sheath. The Gang leader scoffed. "The only time I'm going to free America is when you beat my ninjas at battle." The Gang leader snapped his fingers and four ninjas appeared before Japan. "Consider this battle won. I am the finest swordsman in this land and I never love when I fight to save someone." said Japan as he readied his sword.

The Gang leader laughed. "My friend, I am sorry but you brought a sword to a dance battle!" said the Gang leader as he snapped his fingers once more. The ninjas then used one of their ninja techniques to instantly change into colorful (and quite embarrassing) costumes. Japan stared at the Gang leader in confusion.

"A d-dance Battle?" stuttered Japan.

"Exactly~! You'll also have to wear a costume similar to these if you even want to consider dancing on stage in front of hundreds of spectators. They won't be happy if you perform for them in those plain clothes…"

"S-spectators….?"

"Oh yes, I'd also like to warn you that my ninjas are the best dancers in the country. Right, guys?" asked the Gang leader, ignoring Japan's question.

"Yes boss!" replied the ninjas.

Japan just stared blankly at the Gang leader as he imagined himself wearing embarrassing clothes while dancing in front of hundreds of people. He shivered.

"So, will you accept my challenge? Remember that that is the only way you can save your precious America." said the Gang leader.

Japan wanted to refuse because if he accepted he will most likely humiliate himself but the thought of America suffering if he didn't accept convinced him otherwise.

"I accept your challenge but before we start I have to know if you really do have America-san in your custody." said Japan.

"Of course I have him!" said the Gang leader before snapping his fingers again. Two more ninjas holding a tied-up America appeared. "See?"

"Japan-dude, you have to save me! Right after you left I fell asleep. I think it was because of that Sleeping Lotus pink drink that guy gave me! Then when I woke up, I found out that these ninja guys took me to their hideout and forced me to dance non-stop to these weird songs!" pleaded America to Japan. "Of course America-san. I will do my best. So, Dancing Ninja Gang leader-san, what am I supposed to do?" said Japan. "You're going to go against four of my ninjas, one ninja per round, and dance to some songs of my choice out on the street. The bystanders will judge both of your dancing skills and will clap for whom they think is the better dancer. The one with the loudest applause wins the round. Whoever wins the most rounds wins the challenge. If you win, America goes free. If not, he has to do the Geddan (2) dance forever! Mwahahahaha!" said the Gang leader.

America looked at Japan with puppy dog eyes and begged, "Dude, I can't do that dance! It's too tiring and embarrassing… You have to win, okay?"

"Don't worry, America-san. I won't lose." Said Japan with a slight smile.

"Alright! Let's do this!" said the Gang leader. He snapped his fingers which caused a huge stage to appear in the middle of the road. Curious bystanders gathered in front of the stage to see what was going on. He snapped his fingers again which made Japan's samurai clothes change color. It was now rainbow-colored. Japan sighed in relief. He thought he would be wearing something even more embarrassing.

"Competitors, get on stage! You wouldn't want the audience to wait, would you?" said the Gang leader. Japan and the ninjas went up on stage as the crowd chatted amongst themselves as to what was happening. Suddenly, the Gang leader's voice sounded from huge speakers. "Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to our Ninjas versus Samurai Dance Contest!" the crowd cheered as the Gang leader continued. "All of you will clap to whomever you think danced better, the Ninja or the Samurai. Whichever one has the loudest applause wins! Let the Contest begin!"

Music filled the air. It had a catchy drum beat and had techno effects. Japan recognized the song as "Bad Apple!" (3). 'I know this song! Too bad I haven't learned the dance steps yet. I'll just have to think of something…' thought Japan as one of the ninjas danced the Bad Apple! Dance. Japan did some random dance moves that earned him "boo's" from the audience.

Once the song finished, the Gang leader's boomed from the speakers. "Wow! We have some great dancers today, huh? But which one was greater? The Samurai?" The audience stayed silent to show their disapproval. "…or the Ninja?" The audience broke out into a loud applause and cheered for the said competitor. "Alright then! Round one goes to the Ninjas!" said the Gang leader.

The audience was still applauding when the next song started playing. Violins sounded from the speakers along with a bass playing a simple tune. Japan gasped and thought, 'They're playing "Love & Joy"? (4) Why, this is the first dance I learned! I can dance this like how a fish can swim!' Japan exerted all his effort as he danced. Because of this, he earned murmurs of approval from the audience and a "Woot! You work those moves, Japan!" from America who was still tied up but was seated near the stage.

Once the song ended the Gang leader spoke into his microphone and when he mentioned "the Samurai" the audience clapped and cheered wildly. The Gang leader sighed and said, "Round two goes to the Samurai . . ." with a lack of enthusiasm. The third song played and it had a catchy, upbeat tune. 'Po Pi Po? (5) I can dance this but I have to pace myself since this dance is extremely tiring.'

Japan danced with a little less effort that in the last round while the ninja went all out. America said, "Dude, if you keep dancing like that, you'll never win!" Japan just kept dancing at the same pace despite what America said. Suddenly, the ninja collapsed in the middle of the dance due to all the effort he put into the energy consuming dance. The crowd booed at the ninja and when the song ended, the Gang leader was forced to name Japan as the winner of the round by default because his ninja didn't finish the whole dance.

The next song played. This time, it had a Russian tune with some rock mixed in it. 'If I can remember correctly, this song is called "Matryoshka"(6). I've only started learning this, but I think I can manage.' thought Japan. Both Japan and the ninja danced to the song in sync but at the end, Japan made a mistake in the Cossack dance part and he fell. The crowd applauded for both the ninja and Japan but the applause for the ninja was louder causing Japan to lose the round.

"Oh my! Looks like we have a tie here." said the Gang leader. "There's only one way to fix this and that's a tie-breaker! I will compete against this samurai myself! I have never seen anyone who has beaten my ninjas even once, let alone twice! Surely, he is worthy of facing the great me!" The Gang leader appeared on-stage wearing a pink and frilly outfit. The gang leader placed the mic he was using on the floor and the last song played. It was upbeat and catchy. It also had a lot of electronic effects. Japan could not help but smile because the song was his all-time favorite song, "Dancing Samurai"(7), which dance he knew by heart. The Gang leader danced with all his might but he couldn't match Japan's gracefulness because it was as if the music was moving him instead on him moving himself with the music. When the song ended, the crowd applauded. The Gang leader picked up the mic and said, "For whom are you all clapping for, may I ask?" The crowd then chanted, "Samurai! Samurai! Samurai!"

"What?! But I am the Dancing Ninja Gang's leader! I can't lose to anyone!" exclaimed the Gang leader. The speakers aired what the Gang leader said thanks to the mic he left on the floor and the audience gasped in surprise because of what they heared. Japan turned to the Gang leader and said, "I win, Gang leader-san. Now release America-san and I will put you and your ninjas under arrest." The Gang leader backed away from Japan and said, "Alright, you can have your America back! If I keep him I'll have to spend a ton of money just to buy him food so he can keep dancing for me and you know how much he eats! I'm amazed that he hasn't turned into a fatso yet!"

"Hey! I heared that!" interrupted a now pouting America.

"You won't hear the last from me, Dancing Samurai Japan! I'll exact my revenge on you!" said the Gang leader before snapping his fingers and disappearing in a puff of smoke. The other ninjas also disappeared and the ropes binding America dropped to the floor as if they were cut.

"Yeah, I'm finally free! Thanks Japan! I'm totally coming there to hug ya!" said America before sprinting to Japan on the stage and giving him a bear hug. Japan blushed at America's sudden invasion of his personal space. America then grabbed the mic on the floor and spoke into it. "Hey guys! This dude, Japan, over here just saved me, The Great Hero America, from those wacko ninjas because he danced like a boss back there! Let's hear some noise for my pal Japan, The Dancing Samurai!" The audience clapped and cheered as loudly as they could. "Also, from now on, Japan will be joining me on my future adventures! What do you say Japan?" said America as he handed the mic to Japan.

"It would be my honor, America-san." came Japan's reply.

The crowd cheered even more. Just then, a foreigner with extremely thick eyebrows went on stage and grabbed America by the collar. "What the bloody hell are you doing up here, you git?! Do you have any IDEA how long I've been looking for you?!" said the very angry foreigner to America. "England, chill out, dude! I just grabbed a snack 'cuz I was hungry…" replied America. "If you were hungry why didn't you just eat the food I made?" inquired England. "Because your food sucks, that's why! Although I would have just eaten it if I knew I would get kidnapped by the ramen stall owner…" said America sheepishly.

"MY FOOD DOES NOT—Wait, you got KIDNAPPED?!" yelled England.

"Yeah! But Japan here saved me." Said America, gesturing to Japan.

"Hello, nice to meet you." said Japan to England as he bowed politely.

England let go of America and said to Japan, "Pleasure. I'm England, America's partner on his adventures. I am so sorry for whatever trouble America may have caused you. Please forgive him. He's just such an IDIOT!" England hit America's head with his fist which made America yelp.

"It's alright. He didn't cause too much trouble…" said Japan.

"So, can Japan join us? In our travels, I mean." asked America. England thought for a moment.

"PLEASE~?" begged America.

"Alright, already! He can join us." Said England.

"Woo hoo~! Hear that guys? Japan's joining us!" The crowd cheered loudly in reply to America.

From that day on, Japan joined America and England in their fight against injustice, lawlessness and bad dancing as The Dancing Samurai.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

A/N: This is the first fanfic that I posted online so please excuse me if I made some mistakes. I wrote this fanfic because of a challenge to myself. I told myself I would write a fanfic about the next song that played on my iPod and it played Dancing Samurai and this is what came out.

Edo – the town in which Gintama is set. I just wanted this story to be set somewhere that had a kinda late 1800's feel but still had some modern technology as shown in the huge stage with speakers and a microphone so I just picked the setting to be in Edo.

Geddan- the meme dance wherein people would do a bunch of gravity defying moves to a part of the song "Promise" by Kohmi Hirose.

Bad Apple! – a song from the game Touhou.

Love & Joy- a song by Yuki Kimura that is usually danced to by Hatsune Miku.

Po Pi Po – a song by Hatsune Miku in which she tells people to drink vegetable juice while dancing.

Matryoshka- a song by Hatsune Miku and Gumi

Dancing Samurai- a song by Gakupo or Gackpoid, a vocaloid, about a samurai who dances all day and all night as he does his best to become the best samurai.


End file.
